"The Difference a Question Makes: Wanted vs. Desired"

Entry #30

Losing weight and gaining confidence has been a game-changer for me. I've been on more dates, my clothes fit better, and I've even started making plans for my future goals. But it's not just about the physical changes – it's about becoming a better version of myself.

Growing up as a Latino – specifically, a Mexican-Spanish mix – I rarely saw people like me represented positively in the media. We were often portrayed as stereotypes: the bad guys, drug dealers, gang members, or even as the villains fighting against the A-Team. The women were usually relegated to being arm candy or damsels in distress. The only Latino role models I had were Speedy Gonzales (a cartoon mouse) and Tito Santana (a wrestler). Thankfully, I didn't face any major bullying or issues during my school years, despite being shy, overweight, and sensitive – which could've made things even tougher.

After my fiancée and I broke up, I was devastated. At 25 years old, I found myself back in the dating world, feeling fat, insecure, and struggling to co-parent my son. But I was determined to turn my life around. I started losing weight, gaining confidence, and eventually, I began dating again.

That's when I met someone who asked me a question that stopped me in my tracks: "Did you ever feel wanted or did you feel desired?" At first, I thought it was a weird question, but I didn't want to seem stupid, so I took a deep breath and answered honestly: "I don't know."

She explained that her friend had been on numerous dates, but felt more like a trophy than a person. It was as if she was being "desired" rather than truly "wanted." I realized that I had never thought about this distinction before.

As a guy, I'd never really considered whether the women I dated felt this way. Had they seen me as a person, or just as a desirable guy? I didn't have a clue. Maybe it's because I'd never had a woman pull out a card after sex and say, "Mexican – bingo!" (Although, that would've been pretty weird.)

In all seriousness, I think what she was asking me was whether I was genuinely interested in getting to know her as a person, and potentially exploring a long-term connection. Or was I just attracted to her physically?

I've thought about this question a lot since then. For now, I've decided that I don't care whether someone wants or desires me. What's important is that I'm honest about who I am, and we can take things from there. Worst-case scenario? I'll end up making a fool of myself, but hey, that's what makes for good blog posts, right?

One quick note none of the images you see in any blog posts are of the real me. They are more there for entertainment purposes.